Hi Dad,

Been thinking a lot about your last days. It all seems so surreal to me. The thing that is on my mind the most, is what I now realize was the “air hunger” you were suffering through. How I wish you didn’t have to experience that. All these weeks I’ve not been able to put your death certificate away, but today I did it.

I regret not seeing you alive on your very last day. I didn’t know it would be your last; although I knew it would be soon. I regret not being there in your final moments to comfort you, to hold your hand and to tell you once more how much I love you. I wanted you to know you weren’t alone in this.

Memorial Day is coming, so I got a tiny flag for your grave. I wonder if your headstone is in place yet? Your burial flag is protected in a case, but it’s in my closet. I want to have a proper place to display it, so I have plans to do some reorganization here.

On Sunday I took pics of my kids. When I saw them on my PC, it struck me- how much my little guy looks like you sometimes.

I have no idea how to find your siblings, I would like to inform them of your departure.

My big brother found your birth certificate and mailed it to me- it was a surprise, as I don’t think he knew what it was- he just said he had some odd documents he thought I should keep. Funny- grandma’s surnames are not what I thought they were! I better update my ancestry profile!

The last time I saw you, the nurses had made you very comfortable. You weren’t suffering. You were still and quiet, breathing calmly. You were so clean and cared for. They were concerned for your comfort and safety. I really appreciated that. I had no idea that was the last time I would see you.

This whole experience is a reminder of just how precious we all are.

I miss you very much. And I’m sorry.

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